It’s the rush, I think, that I enjoy. I appreciate the quiet in my life but once in a while I just crave something to get my adrenaline pumping and heartbeat pounding.
I’m possibly the most careful person I know within my family and acquaintances, but there are nights where I drive back home in the darkest hour of the day, fast enough that everything is a blur and I can never tell if that’s the speed I’m going or if it’s me.
Sometimes I hold back these urges for so long that when I give in, by the end of the night I’m hysterically laughing out my window against the wind, feeling like nothing can hurt me.
It’s the excitement, the excitement of having secrets, the excitement of the possibility of destroying myself.
Normally I’ll stay away from this but when I give in, it’s the best feeling in the world.